This will be short and sweet, but I wanted to share my big epiphany from yesterday.
I blame myself for everything.
It's my fault that my class fell apart - I should have been able to control them. It's my fault the house burned down - I might have left a curling iron on in my bedroom (never mind that the fire was started on the front of the house). It's my fault my family had such a difficult time when Mom had her transplant - I should have stayed home instead of going to college. And here's the biggest one: it's my fault John has cancer - I should have made him go to the doctor earlier (and don't even get me started on the fact that when the doctor said, "he has colorectal cancer," my immediate response was, "it was supposed to be me").
I know these thoughts are irrational, and truly, I haven't really ever acknowledged them before. But it's one of the stories I've been whispering to myself all my life (and we all have these stories). And guess what? I get to change my story!
Now if I could just figure out what that new story will be...