Facing the Unknown

One of the things that we say often when we train is that the brain is pattern seeking.  By this we mean that our brains are constantly scanning the world around us, and when they can identify a predictable pattern we feel safe and secure.  This is why we constantly stress the need for predictable patterns for children - in both their home and school lives.  Without some sense of predictability they struggle to function.  

What I've learned over the past month is that the same applies to adults, and in particular me.  In talking with my therapist recently (Did I mention that I now have a therapist?  That's been one of the good things that's come out of this pandemic - I have time to see a therapist!) I realized that at this point in time no aspect of my life is predictable.  

The pandemic has proven to make daily life unpredictable.  Will I get all of my groceries in my order?  How long will it take for that package to arrive?  Is it safe to hang out with this friend?  Will someone I know get sick and possibly die?  Will I get sick and possibly die?  When I go out in public will others wear masks/maintain an appropriate distance?  

Don't even get me started on school.  I can't predict what the year will look like because nobody knows, there's no good answer, and the plan keeps changing from week to week.  Will we go back full time?  Will our kids rotate in and out and do a hybrid of in person and online learning?  Will it be fully remote learning again like in the spring?  Who knows!  And then don't get me started on feeling guilty no matter what happens.  Do I miss my kids and want to see them?  Absolutely!  Am I worried about being exposed to the virus while I'm at school?  Yes!  Am I terrified that I will then give it to a friend or family member and be responsibly for their death?  You better believe it! 

As for my training and coaching gigs?  Because I work with schools there's another layer on unpredictability in my life.  I don't have many jobs lined up, but they're fairly significant ones.  I had a 2 day training gig next month in Kentucky.  As of right now they still want me to go train in person.  That could change at any moment.  And whereas I normally would have caught a flight, then rented a car to drive the rest of the way (2 hours or so from the airport) at this point I'm thinking it might be safer to rent a car and drive the full route (6+ hours) instead of dealing with airports.  Then I have a 3 day coaching gig in Ohio in October.  When we set it up I was really excited - a district wants me to go into classrooms and coach their specialists.  This is what I love to do!  But will they even be teaching face to face at that point?  And as an outsider will I even be allowed on campus?  

See?  There are so many unknowns!  And I know I'm preaching to the choir - so many of you have issues with which I don't have to deal (thank goodness I'm not a parent having to make schooling decisions).  Please tell me that I'm not the only one who feels like I'm looking into a vast void with no path in sight.  

I'm not alone in this feeling, right?