'Twas the Night Before School Starts

 Tomorrow is the first day of school.

It will be the first day of my 22nd year of teaching.  I cannot tell you how odd it feels to say that.  If I'm perfectly honest, I have to admit that 22 years ago I thought I'd teach for 4 years.  By that time I'd have paid off Teaching Fellows and in my head I'd be married and ready to start a family.  So I anticipated a 4 year teaching career.

Yeah, the only part of that prediction that I got right was paying off Teaching Fellows on schedule.  I didn't know that in those 4 years I'd fall in love with teaching instead of a man.  I didn't know that when I finally did get married 10 years into my career I wouldn't even consider giving it up.  I didn't know that with time I'd land at Underwood, where I'd learn about Conscious Discipline®, and eventually become a Certified Instructor.  I didn't know that at the end of year 19 I'd become a widow.  There are so many things I didn't know...

...the least of which was that at this point I'd find myself teaching in a pandemic.

So that's the unsettling thing about this year.  There are so many things that I do know.  I know how to structure my classes so that we truly become a Family.  I know how to establish a sense of safety and connection when I board each bus that arrives on campus in the morning.  I know how make sure every child in my class has a job so they can be of service to others.  I know how to connect with children who can be connection resistant.  I know how to do a master schedule (and the one I do now is nothing compared to the one I did when I worked at a multi-track year-round school - back then I could tell you on July 1 what special each class would have every day until June 30 of the following year).  I know how to teach kindergartners how to stay in their own space and freeze on cue.  I know many, many, many things...

...but I have no clue what I'm doing this year.  

You know the story.  Students, parents, teachers - we're all feeling the same way.  We feel anxious about the unknown, so we seek information, but the information changes from week to week (sometimes from one day to the next).   Will kids be back on campus or learning from home?  Will teachers be back on campus or teaching from home?  Will we wear masks?  Will students switch classrooms?  If they stay in a pod how will we teach electives?  How many families will choose the Virtual Academy?  What will that even look like?  How will classroom teachers balance live instruction with other activities throughout the day?  How will specialists provide live instruction for every class they teach in a day?  How will dance teachers assess students if they can't require students to turn on their webcams?  What happens when (because a month ago I stopped saying if) I test positive for covid-19?  Will I be well enough to teach from home?  What about when I have an appointment - who will cover my classes?  

I could go on, and on, and on.  We're all feeling anxious about the unknown aspects of this unprecedented start to the school year.  But here are the things I do know:

1. I have a job.  Not only do I have a job, but I have a job that I love.
2. My school?  We're a Family.  We're going to pull together to do what's best for our students.
3. I will be super excited to see those students, even if it's through a computer screen.  They're still my kiddos.  I can't wait to see how much they've grown over the summer, to hear about the new things they've learned and accomplished.  
4. We're all in this together.  No one knows anything more than anyone else.  We're all feeling anxious.  We're all curious about what the year will hold.  We're not falling behind anyone else because we're all stuck at the same hurdle.  
5. The only thing I can control is how I respond to the adversity I face.  And if there's anything I've learned over the past 5 years, it's how to maintain composure and respond instead of react.
6. And when it's all said and done, I have to have faith in the One who is in control.  

Here's to year 22!