Reframing "I am Enough"

If you spend any time at all you've heard me say, "so I was listening to a podcast the other day and..."  It's no secret that I love podcasts.  My ideal ones are between 30 and 60 minutes, connect to things I know, tell me something I didn't know, and leave me reflecting and processing over the next several days.  There are several that I listen to regularly (check out Hidden Brain and Terrible, Thanks for Asking if you want to give 2 of my favorites a try) and like many of you out there Brene Brown's Unlocking Us is one of them.  

This week I listened to her talking to Sonya Renee Taylor and have been reflecting and processing ever since.  Taylor is the author of The Body is Not an Apology, a book I hope to read soon (unfortunately, I don't read near as much as I used to, but I still have stacks of books conveniently placed around the house, so I'm holding off on purchasing this one until I've read a few more of those stacked and waiting).  With that in mind, know that the reflections I'm about to share here are just the beginning of the thought process - I know I'll dig much deeper once I have the text to pour over.  And here we go...

I've spent the last several days pondering the concept of radical self love.  It's not something I've ever embraced or even given much thought to - my self worth has always been dependent on other's opinions of me.  It's no secret that, like many women in my generation (especially those of us raised in the South), I was raised by a people pleaser to be a people pleaser.  As a result I've never truly developed a sense of my own self worth, but rather have relied on others to tell me my value.  So the notion of radically loving myself for myself, not based on any praise from someone else, feels foreign to me.  Can I get to that point?  What would it look like?

I started thinking about the people in my life I perceive as possibly practicing radical self love.  It's a short list.  Trust me, it's much easier to name all of the people who don't do this.  But in trying to think of who does, I realized there's a group of people in the world who profess to practice radical self love but instead are radically self promoting.  Think about it for a moment.  On social media they're constantly talking about how much they love themselves, but then also post in the name of getting positive feedback and support.  They still hyper focus on what other people say or do.  They go on long emotional rants about how their body/their choices/their life is not someone else's to judge.  And I could easily see myself becoming that person.  I know that this blog and the things I post on social media could easily cross the line to self promotion, to seeking praise from others.  

But here's the thing:  If I'm shouting it from the mountain tops, picking fights on social media, etc, then aren't I still too focused on what other people think?  If I truly, truly love myself radically then I don't think I need to have a squad cheering me on.  If I truly love myself radically then I don't think I should be taking a "F you!" approach to life and the world around me.  If I truly love myself radically then I think I can sit comfortably in my own self worth, making the decisions that are best for me, while the world goes on in it's own crazy way around  me.  If I truly love myself I don't need to defend myself to you.  I don't need to scold you for not supporting that construct, because guess what?  I won't need that support in the same way I do now.  

I'm not saying I'll be completely independent.  By no means.  We are made for connection.  I'm saying that my self worth won't rely on what others say about me.  I won't be worried about what they're thinking about me.  I will just BE, I will let you just BE, and I will trust that in just BEING we will fulfill our God given purpose.  Because if I'm going to profess to believe that I am created by God in his image, I also have to believe that He created me perfectly as I am, that I serve a purpose as I am.  

So here's my big A-HA moment for the week - I have spent the last 2 years telling myself that "I am enough."  I say it out loud.  I write it.  I wear it on jewelry.  But what if I'm wrong?  And I don't mean in a "what if I'm not really enough?" way.  What if what I really should be saying is "I am MORE than enough"?  I'm not the bare minimum, just scraping by.  I am here for a purpose, I am a rock star, I am living my best life and sharing the talents, love and compassion with which God equipped me.  So now for the past few mornings as I have driven to work I've said out loud, "I am MORE than enough!"  And I'll keep saying, every day, to myself, because I'm the one who needs to hear it.  I'll keep saying it until I believe it, deep in my soul.  

I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH.